dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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