I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
