It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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