chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
