i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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