my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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