I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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