fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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