why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
