my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
