addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
