Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize