legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
