Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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