how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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