what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
