Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
