hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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