Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
