you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
