I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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