She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
