i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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