Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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