if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
