He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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