I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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