actually, I'm a sock model
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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