just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
