You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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