Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
