Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
