That's when you crack a 10am beer
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
