Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
