Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
