lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
