It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
