Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
