Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The adults are the big ones right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
