Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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