Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
