i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
