I'm really into asian looking animals
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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