My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
