I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
