I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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