party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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