38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
