batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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