NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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