I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
