I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize