I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
