Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just cropdusted the office
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
