I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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