I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize