i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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