So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
