did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
