If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
