man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
