oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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