if only i could text you this smell
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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