the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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