Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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