I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
