Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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