Don't make out with my wife yet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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