We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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