he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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