i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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