If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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