Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
