Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
