Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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