there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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