I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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