I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
