she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
