Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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