Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
