he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
